In my previous post, I wrote about the “good old days” and how the old-school upbringing hindered children from becoming self-confident, proactive, and ambitious.
Today’s post strongly relates to this topic; it’s about well-behaved children who never ask for anything. For example, when shopping with their moms, they never ask for an ice cream or a toy.
The video story (if you prefer to read the story, please continue below the video):
I bet we are all familiar with the opposite scenes, where a child cries and begs for ice cream, but the mother remains stone-faced, determined not to fulfill his wish. And we think to ourselves: “What a spoiled kid!”
Of course, such behavior is extreme, but let’s look at the opposite situation, a child that never asks. Of course, we overlook that; it’s not visible, but it can be an extreme hidden behind the social norms. Don’t be visible! Don’t show wishes! Suppress your desire! … Don’t wish!
Years ago, as a young father, I was proud that my oldest child seldom begged when we went shopping. She was well raised, I thought. Of course, it was a copy-paste from my childhood. Eventually, with the help of my wife, I realized that we could find ourselves in harm’s way.
It’s simple logic:
- It’s natural and essential to have wishes and desires and to express them.
- But if I keep ignoring my child’s requests, he will give up hope and stop asking.
- Eventually, he will develop poor self-esteem and a lack of sense of entitlement and will always give priority to others.
- And finally – rejections are painful; therefore, a child will suppress his wishes and desires. And what is a person without dreams? In the best case supporting other people’s goals and expectations.
As a father, I feel that my mission is to support my kids on their way to developing self-esteem, courage to dream, and a sense of entitlement to make their dreams come true. It takes a lot of listening to understand who they are, conversations to know where they want to go, and a lot of support along the way.
I will keep publishing my thoughts about this topic in the upcoming posts. Welcome to further reading!